either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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