he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
