sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
