i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
