she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
