I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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