just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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