you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
