I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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