We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
