and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
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I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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