WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
