Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
