Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
