I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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