Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
