I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
