I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
