It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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