in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
