I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
