My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
