Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
