I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
