we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
