Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
