The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
