found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
