the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dick very happy bro
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
