Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
