Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
