I smell stomach acid.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
