tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
