it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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