drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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