You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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