who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
