The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
