I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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