you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
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There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
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Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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