I'm gonna have a badass scar
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
