Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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