allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just google imaged poop.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
