Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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