i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
