THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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