well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
