She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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