just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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