all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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