Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
