me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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