apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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