sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
