I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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