I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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