May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
