allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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