i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
