420 ftw
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
