my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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