Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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