I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
