I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
my god I love twenty year old dicks
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
