I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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