He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
