So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
