2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
