Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
no, he came in my armpit
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
