So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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