Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
