i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
