Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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